Slaying monsters of my past
Some seasons you slay monsters of your past. Monster Kisses 5.12+, had been a project for 7 years and I finally got the first clean assent after four attempts. It’s a slog -over an hour and half approach. The first time I went to this climb I got half way up and didn’t have the gear, the trust or the internal push, so I did a terrifying down climb without establishing the anchors.
First ascents require me to be physically, emotionally and spiritually on point. Just before the first attempt, I was an emotional mess and the climb new it. A dear friend had nearly lost her life, and the non-profit I had started was struggling, causing me to be consumed by uncertainty and fear. It took me 5 years to return with Devin Fin. Though I had the gear and the drive, it spit me out over and over. I desperately tried to use my skin and flexed muscles to slow my slipping, barely moving up inches at a time. It made me fight with every bit I had just to get the anchors up. It was still stronger than me in all the ways. I left defeated, bruised and bleeding, unsure how I would do it or when I would return.
On the third attempt, Dan Garmen was up for the adventure and offered his support. I didn’t know what to expect. It felt ominous. Like a test. Did I trust myself enough? Did I have that little extra bit of belief in something bigger to carry me through the unexpected? Was I physically recovered enough from the car accident I was in this past summer? I went for it. I thought I had it. But, I got tunnel vision. I got tired and scared. Instead of slowing down my nervous system, taking a breath, and looking for what I could do, I chose pushing though like a bull, trying for pure force and determination to get me through. I fell big and far.
I knew I could do it now, but was devastated I hadn’t done it. Dan looked at me and said, “so are we coming back tomorrow for you to send it”. I looked at him and nearly cried, I was so grateful for his support. I sent the next day, first go. When, I got to the top I screamed in Joy. When I hit the dirt, I knew something inside me had fundamentally changed and the lesson of the last 7 years was complete. Thank you @d.r_gar